What it’s like to lose a sibling

I am a child of five children and one of the oldest, there were four girls and one boy. I was the second oldest girl and one with health issues. I was born with a heart defect and later in elementary developed scoliosis. My mother was always on pins and needles because she never knew if I’d make from day to day. I was always in and out of Children’s Hospital of Philly, and spent days, weeks, and even months in there, it pretty much became my home away from home.  Through all my struggles to keep alive I adored my siblings, we were like all siblings, we laughed, we played, we argued, we got each other in trouble, but most of all we loved each other and stuck by each other through thick and thin. Me being older and not able to do much I loved to be around and care for my younger siblings. I’d play mother to them with the help of my mother. As I got older I started to have that motherly instinct, when my brother and youngest sister came along, I became attached to them almost instant. I remember my mother calling me from the hospital and telling me they had a first name for my brother, but had a few in mind for the middle name, one of the names was Brian. I told my mom Brian because my first name began with the letter B, and we had a Tara, Tracy, and Brooke, and now a Timothy Brian. When my mother brought him home from the hospital I remember her laying him in the front bedroom of my Nan’s house and I snuck in the bedroom, and just laid there with him watching him sleep. I would say I always protected him and stuck up for him because he was the only boy and quite goofy, but in a funny, loving way. If you ever wanted a laugh, he was sure to give you one! About six years later along came my youngest sister…. The baby of the house. I also remember getting the phone call from the hospital from my mother, and once again telling me they had a middle name picked out, but have a few in mind for the first name, and one of the names was Brittany, of course I told my mom Brittany because there was a Tara, Tracy, Brooke, and Timothy. So we needed another B name, so I feel as if I was the odd one out. (Lol,) About the time my mother came home from the hospital with my baby sister, I was home sick from school. I’d get up with my mother for midnight feedings and changing. She was the cutest little thing you’d ever seen! She had beautiful soft skin and beautiful blue eyes, she look as pure as a china doll. Timothy and Brittany weren’t just my mother’s children, but also felt like mine also because of the motherly bond I had with them as infants. As I grew and became having my own life, I never thought of them any different, and I have always tended to be overprotected of them both, and they always had a special piece of my heart, as if I had been their mother. About five years ago our world changed, our parents separated and even though we were all adults, it had an impacted on us. Slowly our mother became sick and her health started to decline. She was in and out of hospitals and nursing/rehabs. She had her leg amputated in June or July due to diabetes. She made it through that well, and on August 7th 2011 she had a few of her toes amputated on the foot she still had, and pulled through that well. On August 10th 2011 we lost our mother, three days after her 57th birthday. After the passing of our mother, the siblings stuck together and became even closer and stronger, for we only had each other to lean on. The holidays came around and we celebrated our first Holiday without our mother, we had Thanksgiving here at my house, and Christmas Eve at my sister Tracy’s. We had so much fun and made so many great memories, there was more memories to be made throughout the end of January. On January 28th 2012 all the siblings went out together and had a great time and once again made some great memories. My brother was exceptionally clingy and happy, he loved the attention he got from his sisters that night. Little did we know that would be the last night we’d see and make memories with our brother. On February 10th 2012, six months to the day of our mother’s passing, I got a call from my sister Tracy telling my husband that my brother had been shot, he had been murdered. The little baby boy I remember my mother bring home from the hospital, and the child I became attached to as if he were my own was gone! It was if my whole world had shattered, my very first baby boy was gone! Not by God’s doing, but by the hands of another! The piece of my heart that he held was in a million pieces and can never be repaired…. No bandage or band aid will heal this scar. I was eight years older then him and was the one with the health issues, even though he was eight years younger then me, he was as overprotected of me, as I was of him. I never in my life thought that my baby brother would leave this world before me.  I know I must move forward for me, my husband, my children, the rest of my family, and my friends, and in my own time I know I will, but the pain and heartache will always remain. I have been through so much hurt and pain throughout my life, being a child with health issues, but this is the most unbearable pain I’ve ever experienced! Homicide is the most unnatural death ever, and anyone who has not gone through it first hand will never understand the pain, heartache, and scar you will live and it leaves behind! 

Brooke(Timothy’s sister)